W(h)ines

I am all for abstraction and complexity but please help me understand the adjectives proferred on wines hitherto for purposes of comparing and contrasting. I don't know much about wines but as an inchoate cynic, I am tending to be of the opinion that the variety imposed on the world in this grape beverage may not be based on fundamentals but rather on commerce (surprise,surprise). Just skimming the surface, there seem to be different grapes, different vintages (grapes from the same harvest), different years,different vineyards and the lead descriptor of any given wine can be one or more or a combination of all of the above. But here is the kicker. These differ from each other only in aspects like fruitiness, nuttiness,body, weight, breadth,width,texture, balance,clarity, crispness,brightness and so on. These can easily be apt terms to describe many other entities, including ME, but wine? Even with some stretch of imagination, if one is to conceive the meaning of these pithy adjectives, how is one to measure them in any non-subjective way? And what one cannot measure, one cannot control, so said my Professor at University. I have not given up yet, but my foray into oenology is not looking too bright at the moment (sic)

And, by the way, why not come up with such terminology to compare and contrast fizzy cola drinks? I daresay, that may finally let "Thums Up" find its true place in the world amongst the gigantic charlatans that rule the roost today.