The Chinese Dinner (and Dance)

If you live in the Far East, it is almost impossible to avoid experiencing the Chinese Dinner ( and dance).It is an event in and of itself, and is one of those rituals that is a song for all seasons, a treat for every occasion whether happy or sad, public or private, corporate or non-profit. It cannot be compared to , say , an Indian wedding dinner since these are rather variable depending on occasion, culture, language and economic ability. Also, Indian dinners these days are abridged "buffet" affairs, with the entire act of eating being over in minutes, unless ofcourse you are like what I was when 14 or 15 years old. At the time, I used to consume gallons of food at weddings, particularly the omnipresent "bronze patina" chicken curry, which often left a strange yet familiar aftertaste, different though from what I experienced at home. Although I am quite embarrassed about this gluttony I am rather proud that I put on not a milligram of body weight during that period of my life. In fact, it semed like the more I ate the less I weighed, and this went on until one horrific day in 1997, while in college. I was glancing at a photograph of mine that was taken during one of the college industrial tours (in Agra I believe), and there, lurking against the customary Palestinian exchange student was a version of my face which can only be described as "Turgid". The botanical metaphor aside, I was aghast at how I looked, and how fat I'd become. It almost happened in a flash, just like that. And it was rather irrversible, it basically became the new me from there on.

But coming back to the Chinese Dinner, this is essentially a large round table on which is juxtaposed yet another smaller round table. The smaller table is able to rotate freely about the centre of the table. Seated around the round table are the guests, the largest table I have come across seats 16. Usually they seat 8 or 10. It may also make sense to describe the cutlery. It consists of a small plate, a small bowl, another medium bowl , a small receptacle for soy sauce, and chopsticks which sit on a neat little "rest", similar to the rest used in a game of billiards to hit balls that are otherwise unreachable by any stretch of body or imagination.

The meal in restaurants can be very diverse, but when it comes to an official Chinese dinner, it always seems like it is the same food. The first items brought to the table, and placed on the rotating rotunda, are tiny bowls of peanuts, pickled spinach, pickled mushrooms and other salty snacks. These are the pre-appetisers. I usually give this pass for two reasons. Firstly, they are not very tasty and secondly it takes considerable chopsticks skills to pick a peanut from a bowl. The next course is the appeteiser which is a 4-compartment snack tray and amzingly seems to have the same stuff in every dinner. Some noodle-like glassy strings which are actually jellyfish, some roast duck breast, usually crispy with the skin on, some shrimp, and some roast pork bellies ("two thumbs up on this last one").
The main courses follow and there are usually 3. The first is a poultry bowl. Peking Duck, Drunken Chicken or a HErbal Black Chicken soup. The latter is worth a special mention. The chicken meat is actually bluish black in color and looks about as appetising as a deep fried dog turd. The broth has several herbs, and roots and shoots and things, and overall it tastes a bit weird, like a clear chicken soup that became a bit sour or rancid because of fermentation. The meat tastes pretty much like regular chicken. Recently, at a chinese dinner, a dutch colleague was taking pictures of the blue meat to put up on facebook. Not sure if the resolution would be good enough to discern this. Anyway, the fact arguably is, this black chicken soup is very good for you. I wonder if you've noticed how in the Far East, almost everyone knows well what kind of food is good for you. In the subcontinent, we develop this awareness only when we try to lose weight. But also, we hardly eat anything that is actually good for us. Yoghurt may be the exception. But what does "good for you mean"? . It is just good, period. It makes you feel good, light, energetic, refreshed, aids digestion, improves metabolism, enhances bowel movement,prevents colds, asthma, flu and gout, in other words it does everything. Or maybe it is a magic potion that gives you superhuman gullibility, I dont know. I usually eat my black chicken soup, just in case it's all true. There is also customary steamed whole fish, which is flaky, soft and delicious. Not to mention it is skinny, cholesterol free and will do you no harm whatsoever. It may taste a bit fishy, but then it may not. I would always relate that to the species of fish, but the Chinese would have you know that fishyness depends purely on the freshness of the fish and not the species. Specious reasoning perhaps, but apparently the fresher it is, the less fishy it tastes. The soy sauce and ginger root , in collaboration, is more than capable of conquering any noxious vapors. If the fish is fresh, then it is sacrilege to cook it any other way apart from steaming. Trying to pan fry or deep fry it is tantamount to treason of the magnitude of mixing water or soda with an esteemed single malt. Only fish that has its provenance in armorica, specifically from the hut of unhygienix the fishmonger, is fit for frying, unless used as a blunt weapon for village fights. The final course is a fried rice or a kind of Hakka noodle in a tiny bowl, heavily compressed and fortified with eggs, prawn and vegetables. This is capstoned by dessert which more often than not seems to be a mango custard with tiny glassy balls inside that taste like nothing in particular. It is light and barely sweet, and this is true of most Chinese desserts. In India these would not be recognized as a dessert item, there is more sugar in our general disposition, let alone our curry. All in all, a meal that is savored slowly for hours, with a master of ceremonies doing loud and invasive stuff in the background. (This makes up the dance bit..). Much can be said about the meal, all of which is a matter of opinion. All I can say is that this type of meal leaves you pleasantly full and feeling really good. Just the right pre-cursor to an alocohol binge.
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